1. When it appears that you have
killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's
2. Never read a book of Demon Summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If children speak to you in Latin or any other language, which
they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to
kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids whose eyes glow and
speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.
you're searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that
it's just the cat,
GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for
short circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that,
despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling
along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing
hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle,
or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go
to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that
it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a
tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely
17. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws,
staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines,
lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices
made from deceased companions. (or chipper/shredders, remember Fargo).
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had
previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in
19. If your parents move you to a town where you find out the high
school gym burnt down during Prom night, or hear that a maniac gets loose
from a sanitarium every Halloween, then it's time to run
20. When trick-or-treating and you come to a house made of gingerbread
and gum drops...
RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!